Last night, a friend of mine who is in recovery in another town posted a meme about addicts. It said “People think addicts love drugs. Wrong. The drugs just distract them from the fact that they don’t love themselves.”
When I read it, that simple statement rang so true. Nineteen words which summed up my addiction. My inability to love myself made the decision to feed my addiction easy. After all, with the right drugs, loving myself no longer mattered.
Even after hearing that I never had to use drugs again, their ability to mask the feelings I had for myself made walking away a challenge. I really needed to begin loving myself before recovery would gain a foothold in my life.
That love came in stages. Sure, I can point to that night when it all clicked. That night when love became so obvious, I began to see myself as worthy of recovery. Leading up to that night, though, I experienced so many acts of compassion.
People who were willing to invest in my life, even when that investment was in the high risk category. Somewhere along the way, I even had enough compassion toward myself to seek help for my chronic depression. Shoot, I even began to address an issue I had developed with allergies!
So many little acts that began to make me like, and eventually love myself.
In time, I have come to learn the best part of compassion. I get to share it with others! Sometimes it’s as simple as giving the gift of my time to another. At other times, compassion comes from letting the addict back from a relapse know he is loved, and that I’m proud of him for coming back.
Whatever the situation, I can share compassion, because I’ve had compassion shared with me. So much, in fact, that I no longer need drugs to help me forget the fact that I don’t love myself. Because, today, I do love myself.
Have a remarkable day!
Daily Spiritual Principle - one addict's thoughts 