Faith on a Saturday

I didn’t know a sparrow could hover quite like that!

Last night, a big thunderstorm passed through Tulsa. The heavy rains from that storm forced the worms and other insects out of the ground. That means it is feasting time for other animals in our yard. A few moments ago, I witnessed a sparrow hunting for its prey. As it did, it would hop from one spot to the next, flapping its wings, and for the briefest of moments, hovering in place. Once it spotted something to eat, BOOM!

I, on the other hand, am sitting here on our back porch enjoying my coffee. I slept in this morning. It was past 6:30 when I rolled out of bed. After all, it’s my weekend. Saturday to be specific. The one day this week when I have no need to be up early. In fact, no need to be up at all. It is a day of rest!

As these thoughts rolled through my mind, I realized that days of rest, holidays, and vacation days are all days of faith. Even sick days are days on which faith is practiced. Just a little something that separates us all from the sparrow.

It is said that on the seventh day of creation, God rested. He had finished His work, was well pleased with it, and took a break. It was so important to Him, that God made sure people would take a day of rest each week too. He didn’t just suggest that people rest, he commanded it.

That begs the question: “Why would God command us to rest?”

This is the point at which my thoughts come into conflict with each other. On the one hand, I want to see my Saturday as a gift from God. A tradition He instituted eons ago in order to remind people that they are indeed good enough. That our efforts over the past week have been sufficient to carry us through the seventh day.

Looking back to the sparrow, I find a deeper, more satisfying reason for my day of rest. My day of rest is actually a day on which I place my faith in God. I don’t have to hunt for worms this morning, because I have faith that God will supply my needs in the days to come. That faith is something God wants me to practice regularly, not just on rare occasion. Certainly not only when the going gets tough.

Faith is one of the things that I sacrificed to my active addiction. There was plenty of evidence that my faith had evaporated over time; but one sure sign was that there was no day of rest. In active addiction, life becomes all about getting drugs, using drugs, and finding ways and means to get more.

When I made drugs my god, there would be no day of rest. No faith in tomorrow.

As it turns out, this is one of the best reasons I can think of to allow myself a day of rest. It is a tangible way for me to express my faith in God. I no longer serve a god who is found in a pipe or syringe. I serve a God who loves me, wants what is best for me, and is more powerful than my addiction. A God who let’s me demonstrate my faith in many ways. Even by taking a day of rest.

Have a remarkable day!

Trust, Starbucks Coffee, and Learning to Trust God

I want to enjoy it, truly I do. After all, everybody seems to think it’s the best. In fact, they are so convinced that it is the best, that they will spend two or three times as much to enjoy a cup of Starbucks coffee as they will other brands. That must mean it’s good, right?

Several years ago, I had grown tired of constantly running out of coffee at the company branch I was managing. It seemed that no sooner had we bought another can of coffee, or a new bag of filters, we were right back in the store buying them again. So, I contacted a coffee service, and had them install a professional grade coffee maker, and begin supplying pre-bagged coffee pouches.

It was during my conversation with the salesperson for that company that I learned why I had found it so hard to enjoy Starbucks. ”They over-roast their coffee beans. At least, they roast them so dark that most folks won’t be able to stand it.” At last, an explanation for my loathing of Starbucks.

Of course, there is still one big problem with my relationship with Starbucks coffee. I still drink the stuff. Not all the time, mind you. Not even once a month. Yet, a few times each year, I will find myself in a Starbucks, ordering a ”Large” (I refuse to give them the satisfaction of ordering a ”Venti.” What is that anyway???) black coffee.

Mmmm… a $5 cup of bitterness and disappointment!

My love hate relationship with Starbucks coffee is precisely why I need to be able to lean on God for wisdom and the ability to make good choices. Despite knowing that I do not like it, I will still buy a cup of that bitter disappointment on occasion. Shoot, I’ll even call it a ”Treat.” I’ll convince myself that this time will be different. This time, I bet I’ll like it. Then I can be one of the cool kids too!

Then, I take that first sip, and I wonder why I didn’t just go to my local convenience store and get one of their massive cups of really tasty coffee that is only $1.59. As President Biden would say, ”Come on man!”

Oh, but then to make matters worse, I drink the stuff. Wincing with every sip, I down the entire venti of nastiness. Of course I do. After all, I paid for it… not going to let it go to waste!

I’m not one of those recovering drug addicts who believes myself to be incapable of making any good choices in life. Nor am I one who believes every decision should be run past my sponsor before being made. (Thankfully, my sponsor is neither that narcissistic, nor that co-dependent.) I know I am capable of making good choices in life; and I thank God for that.

However, I do have my Starbucks in life. Areas of decision-making in which I seem to find myself consistently making bad choices when left to my own devices. That is one of the reasons why trusting in God is so important to me. I have found that the more trust I place in God, the more able I am to avoid making those bad decisions in life.

Sometimes, God will work through the wisdom of another person. At other times, He works through the application of spiritual principles. There have even been those times that I have felt genuinely moved by God’s Spirit to take a certain path.

Whatever method God uses to help guide me, I have come to know that I can trust His guidance. This is especially true when I want to stop at Starbucks, and Amanda reminds me that a cup of convenience store coffee will be so much better.

Have a remarkable day!

Awareness – Hey Ken, Your Barn Door’s Open!

I was my sophomore year of high school, and I was attending the musical comedy put on by fellow students. Though I do not recall the name of the play, I do know that one of my brother’s friends had a significant role. Ken was playing a doctor.

Everything had gone without a hitch during the first act. It was funny. The actors seemed to all be hitting their lines. Even the vocals were great.

Then, a few minutes into the second act, it was time for Ken’s character to make his entrance. When he did, he was met with quiet chuckles from the audience. The theater was the ”theater in the round” style, with seats positioned in a circle around the stage. So, as Ken moved, and more audience members saw him, the laughter grew.

He had done it. He had actually done it.

That day, Ken had told some of us that he planned to leave his fly open during the second act. He thought it would be funny, just for kicks.

Sure enough, the fly of his pants was down. Not only that, but he had also pulled part of the white dress shirt he was wearing out through the opening in his trousers so that the ”mistake” would be obvious to all. Obvious it was, too.

Not just to the audience, but to the rest of the actors on stage as well. Soon, people began forgetting their lines. Or, they would laugh at inappropriate times in the story. Even the best vocalists were having difficulty hitting their notes. What a hoot!

Sadly, the joke ended as soon as Ken’s character went backstage once again. Someone pointed out his blunder, and he had no choice but to ”fix it.”

Anyone who knows me well, knows that I can be pretty aloof at times. I’ve had plenty of times when I realized my fly was down, and had to wonder how long it had been like that. How many people had noticed? Or, I will realize there is a stain on my shirt, and wonder how it got there.

A lot of the time, my aloofness is completely harmless. No one is harmed by an open fly, or a spot of gravy on a shirt. However, there are times when being unaware can have serious ramifications.

Have I wronged someone? Have my words been unkind or destructive? Have I acted out on a character defect such as people pleasing or fear? These are the types of things that can suck the life out of my recovery. They steal my serenity, and sometimes I won’t even know it until it is too late.

That is why practicing awareness is so vital. Of course, the tough part is that once I am aware of something I have done, I need to take action. It is not enough to simply become aware of my wrongs. I need to make them right, and take corrective action to be sure they don’t become a habit.

I’m thankful for the ability I have to practice awareness. It not only helps me to be a better person; but it also helps me to live the kind of life that makes using drugs as unattractive as walking around all day with my shirt out my fly.

Have a remarkable day!

Vigilance, Digging, and Sifting

Today is my brother’s birthday; an appropriate day to have vigilance as my spiritual principle. His life is a great example of vigilance on many fronts – family, career, and his greatest hobby – hunting treasure with his metal detector.

I don’t have a pin from a Roman tunic. Nor do I have any bullets from the Civil War. I don’t have fragments of shrapnel from WWII. Oh, and rare coins… I don’t have any of those either. I don’t; but John does.

He’ll know for sure, but I think he got his first metal detector when he was in junior high. I remember Mom driving us to town so that he could use his machine on the grounds of an old, abandoned school yard. It would sound off with its high-pitched squeal, and John would kneel down and begin to dig.

There was nothing easy about digging in that soil either. I think it must have consisted of equal parts of clay and resentments. It did not want to budge. Yet he would dig until he uncovered… oh, another pull-tab from an old soda can.

I was incredibly excited to be his assistant. Excited, that is, for all of about five or ten minutes. After that, all bets were off. I would find something else to do. Anything else to do, please!

Through the years, John has upgraded his metal detector several times. He has also trained his ear to discern between the different sounds various objects will make. However, more often than not, he will dig when his machine tells him to, just to be sure. Sometimes, even with the best machine, the sound will fool you after all.

As good as John’s machines are, they alone are not responsible for all of his various finds. In fact, on its own, even the best metal detector is pretty useless. No, the reason John has all those treasures is that he is vigilant. He is willing to dig dozens of useless items to find the one treasure that brings a smile to his face. He is also willing to travel long distances to find those treasures.

The results John gets from his treasure hunting are in direct proportion to the effort he puts into it.

It is in that way that my recovery is like my brother’s treasure hunting. In recovery, I have discovered a multitude of treasures waiting to be unearthed. What the metal detector is to treasure hunting, the spiritual principles are to my recovery. Also, like the metal detector, those principles only benefit the recovering addict who chooses to use them.

The practical application of spiritual principles has been the key to unlocking life’s treasures. Time and again, I have heard fellow recovering addicts bemoan the results they fail to realize because of the principles they are unwilling to practice.

Practicing principles cannot be a once-in-a-while thing, either. I cannot expect consistent results with spotty efforts. Of course, even my best efforts will sometimes produce life’s pull tabs. I am a broken human living in a broken world after all. However, with the same vigilance that drives John to keep digging and sifting the soil, I keep on practicing.

The greatest treasure of my recovery is not abstinence from drugs. It’s not the material possessions I have attained either. Nor is it even the relationships I enjoy today. No, my greatest treasure is the ability to seek, discover, and live in God’s will for my life. It is a treasure I find when I am vigilant about practicing spiritual principles.

Everyone needs a brother like mine. Happy Birthday Brother. I love you, and hope you…

Have a remarkable day!

Vigilance and the Value of Intimacy

There is an old story of a husband and wife who have been married for decades. One day, as they sit reminiscing about their lives together, the man asks his wife if there is anything she wishes he had done differently through the years.

She hesitates, then works up the courage to say, ”Well, I wish you would have told me you loved me once in a while.”

The husband is shocked; and replies, ”I told you I love you when we got engaged. If I had changed my mind, I’d have told you.”

I cannot imagine this scenario actually having ever been played out in a relationship; but the point of the story is a very good one. While I may have had a few relationships that can be picked up after years without contact, for the most part, relationships die if nothing is done to foster their growth. It might be nice to imagine that love can be so strong that it never requires reinforcement; but that is just not reality.

I was sharing about this concept last night at a recovery meeting. The topic was relationships, and how they can affect our recovery. Intimacy in relationships was the focus, and people kept talking about the intimate relationship they share with their sponsors.

Your sponsors???

Look, I love my sponsor; and I deeply appreciate all he does to build into my life. However, I think the topic was supposed to be geared toward those relationships in which we share lives together. The long term relationships that blossom into marriage, or some other form of lasting bond.

So, I did what I so often do at meetings. I spoke my mind.

I pointed out the amount of work that goes into a relationship. Talked about the importance of investing time and energy in demonstrating love. How much counseling can help, especially counseling done before the road gets rocky. (I may have even called B.S. on the fact that people will spend hundreds of dollars on the latest pair of sneakers, but think marriage counseling is too expensive.)

Anyway, I said what I said for me, more than for anyone else. While I would love to be able to honestly say that I am the perfect spouse, I am not. I never will be. Then again, perfection in a relationship is not possible. Even if I manage to pull together a few days in a row of being a really good husband, left to my own devices I will let Amanda down.

Thankfully, when times like those come, she is not shy about talking to me about it. She helps me to see when something is lacking in our relationship. At the same time, I am learning to do the same for her when I need to. It is that sort of vigilance that keeps our relationship healthy, and it can work in any relationship.

This kind of vigilance is also necessary in recovery. Strong relationships do not happen over night. Nor can they be sustained by one act of love from long ago. Intimacy requires vigilance just like my body requires my heart to be constantly breathing. So it is in recovery.

Sure, the spiritual principles I practiced yesterday may carry me for a few days. So might the prayers I prayed or the time invested in seeking God’s will. Eventually, however, the effect of these things will fade. The same goes for the steps I worked when I first got clean. The healing they first brought to my spirit will last for a while; but the impact they once had will eventually fade.

The key to my recovery is like the key to a healthy, intimate relationship. I have to remain vigilant in practicing principles, communing with God, and working the steps. As I do, I find that recovery becomes intimate. I do not question its value, nor do I feel drawn to old behaviors. Instead, I discover freedom that lasts.

Have a remarkable day!

Trust and Auditors

Several years ago, I was managing a branch for the company that had recently hired me. It was the time of year for the company’s accounting firm to conduct the annual audit. As part of that process, auditors wanted to interview me regarding various processes in place at the branch level.

After a few pleasantries, the auditors got down to business. They had one key question that they needed me to answer. “Given what you know about the company’s processes and procedures, do you know of any ways in which an employee could steal from the company?”

At that point, I had been in a variety of management positions over the past several years. Each of those positions was with much larger corporations; ones that had multiple safeguards in place to prevent theft or embezzlement. Compared to those, this employer’s safeguards were fairly lax.

So, after giving some thought to the question, I began walking the auditors through the various ways in which I would steal from the company, if I were so inclined. I began with things that could be done from my own position as a manager, and worked my way down through the ranks of the company. They had asked, so I was not going to pull any punches.

Within a few weeks, new policies and procedures were put into place. Many of these effectively closed the door on the potential methods of theft or embezzlement I had discussed during that interview.

Besides the changes that occurred in the company’s policies and procedures, something else happened as the result of my meeting with the auditors. By honestly sharing my insights and concerns during that meeting, I achieved a deeper level of trust from the owner of the company. It seemed that she had appreciated my honesty, and began to value my opinion on other matters as well.

Apparently, while others had told the auditors what they thought senior management wanted to hear, I had told them what they needed to hear.

From the very first meeting attended, the addict seeking recovery is encouraged to do one thing more than any other – to find a sponsor, and use them. In a very real way, this suggestion is a call for trust, because I cannot use my sponsor if I do not trust him.

Of course, the problem for me was that I was coming from a life in which trust had all but vanished. Drug abuse, after all, can turn even the most trustworthy of people into ones who will lie, cheat, and steal without giving it a second thought. It is a world in which I eventually found myself questioning everything, and everyone around me. The kind of paranoia that meth induces only made things worse where trust was concerned.

So, even before I was asked to trust God in Step Three, I needed to find a man I could trust. One I could trust to tell me the truth. One who was willing to tell me what I needed to hear, not what I wanted to hear. That was and is the primary role of my sponsor.

As we work through the steps, and as I face various challenges in life, I trust my sponsor to tell it like it is. I have had different sponsors at different stages of my recovery. Each of them was the man I believe God placed into my life at the time that I needed them most. They have very different personalities, and have little in common with each other. Yet, one thing they share in common is that I know I can trust each of them to be honest with me.

I’m grateful that I learned early on to trust my sponsor. That trust grows as I hear what I need to hear. Hopefully, as a sponsor myself, I can earn the trust of those I sponsor by doing the same.

Have a remarkable day!

Responsibility – What Does My Life Say About Recovery?

Years ago, a friend of mine from church suggested that I should interview a young man he knew for a sales position I had available. So, trusting my friend’s judgment, I set up a lunch interview at a local restaurant.

I arrived early so I could greet the job candidate, and make him feel at ease. When he walked through the door, he presented well – nice suit, freshly pressed white oxford shirt, conservative tie, and well groomed. We shook hands, and enjoyed some really productive conversation as we enjoyed our meal.

Having already reviewed his resume, I asked him about his impressive employment past. He had held a series of jobs during college, a couple of which were in retail sales. At his most recent job, he had even been promoted to a part-time management role. Impressive for a full-time student.

As he walked me through his work history, one phrase he kept using was “I felt that God had released me from that job, so I left.” It isn’t that I am or was in any way against seeking God’s will where employment is concerned; but the way he kept phrasing it seemed a bit off to me. So, I dug deeper.

I asked him about leaving his most recent position, the one as an Assistant Manager. “How much notice did you give your manager before leaving?” His response was, in my book, a deal-breaker. “Oh, I told you that God released me from that job. I quit at the end of my shift one day.” Following up, I discovered that the same was true for each job listed on his resume.

He went on to explain that in his mind, once God had released him from an obligation, he bore no more responsibility toward it. His words left a sinking feeling in my gut. Given his openness about his faith, I was quite sure that he had no reservations about talking about God on the job. How many people, I wondered, had he left with a negative attitude toward God, and the people who profess to follow Him?

After all, God is not in the business of encouraging people to shirk responsibility. He is certainly not in the business of cosigning unprofessional or rude behavior.

When I first made my coworkers aware of the fact that I am a recovering drug addict, I had just celebrated three years clean. Even with that amount of clean-time, I shared this fact with a good deal of trepidation, knowing that there was a chance that some in the room might not be able to see beyond my past. Yet, I felt that it was the right thing to do.

Fortunately, if anyone in that group holds it against me, I cannot tell. Even those with whom I most feared sharing this part of me responded with compassion and encouragement. One even opened up to me privately about the problems with addiction among his siblings, and how I had given him hope that they might one day find recovery too.

All that to say, I feel an extra sense of responsibility in life because of my past drug use. Though I don’t think anyone holds me more accountable than I do, I still recognize the fact that my actions represent more than just me. For the people who know that I am an addict in recovery, there is a natural concern, and or curiosity, that must be satisfied.

This is because my actions as a recovering addict can and will affect people’s opinions of the entire recovery community.

Let me sat that more loudly for the people in back…

MY ACTIONS AS A RECOVERING ADDICT CAN AND WILL AFFECT PEOPLE’S OPINIONS OF THE ENTIRE RECOVERY COMMUNITY.

At home, I have a responsibility to grow in my recovery along with my wife, Amanda. Likewise, I have a responsibility to Shaun. To show him that an amazing life is possible without the use of drugs. (Children of addicts, so sadly, are at a heightened risk or becoming addicts themselves.)

At work, I have a responsibility to demonstrate to my employer that they can hire a recovering addict, and have an employee who is competent and hard working. One who truly adds value to the organization.

Even among my peers in recovery, I have a responsibility to live in such a way that others are drawn to recovery. This is because one of the Traditions of Twelve Step recovery programs is that we bring in new members through attraction, not promotion. People come into recovery, not because of some flashy ad campaign; but because they see the lives of other addicts being changed. They see that freedom from active addiction is possible when they see us seeking and following God’s will.

Tragically, I hear my fellow recovering addicts excusing away bad behavior all the time, saying “Well, what did you expect? I am an addict after all.” Sorry folks, but that attitude just won’t cut it. My question to such folks is “Why bother?” If recovery is not going to bring about a new way of life, one might as well just keep on using. At least then the fallout from living in self-will won’t be so difficult to endure.

As for the interviewee from that day, he didn’t get the job. In fact, at the end of our meeting, I did my best to challenge him on his practice of leaving jobs without notice. I reminded him that doing so is seen as unprofessional and rude; and explained that he had likely left some people feeling that way toward God and His people.

Lord, help me to take my responsibility as a recovering addict seriously. I pray that when people learn of my past, they will come to see that we do recover.

Have a remarkable day!

Sharing and Caring – The Voice of Gratitude

“My gratitude speaks, when I share, and when I care, with others…” – The Gratitude Statement

The hot air balloon I was in stayed around 2,000 feet above ground for the majority of our flight. I was in Switzerland for a conference hosted by my employer. The owners of the company I work for are really into ballooning, and had made arrangements for all 450 attendees from around the world to balloon above the foothills of the Alps.

It was one of the most breathtaking experiences of my life. The Alps made for a perfect backdrop to our trip. Floating above various farms, it occured to me that the people in the homes below had a very unique outlook when it comes to maintaining the exterior of their homes. Each one was not just perfectly kept; but also had incredible flowers blooming on all sides.

Take the very best yard in your neighborhood, the one that makes everyone else secretly envious; multiply it by ten, and you will have an idea of how amazing these homes all looked. It was as if they had known we would be there. As though they had planted beautiful flowers everywhere for us to enjoy as we silently drifted above.

Of course, that was not the case. Those flowering plants had been there for years. Not to mention, the owners were not expecting us.

Instead, I believe the people in those houses below planted all of those flowers as a sign of gratitude. The owners of those farm houses were grateful to live in such a beautiful place. Grateful for all that they had been given, as well as for all they had earned. Those homeowners cared enough about what they had to share its beauty with others. Even with me.

I cannot wait to go back some day!

Yesterday, I received a bonus from my work. Each year, the owners of our company give each of the company’s employees a bonus to celebrate the anniversary of the company’s founding. It seems appropriate that this bonus hit our checking account just in time to pay for the new plants Amanda and I are planning to purchase for our home.

Like my Swiss friends, I want the exterior of our home to express the gratitude that Amanda, Shaun, and I have for it. I want that gratitude to be evident inside our home too. Not just in the fact that we keep it nicely decorated; but more importantly, in the way we treat each other.

My recovery from drug addiction is much like one of those homes in Switzerland; many of which have been in the family for generations. The things that make up my life in recovery consist of those things I’ve been given, and those that I have earned. I am grateful for both.

The greatest gift of recovery has been the gift of a second chance. I have received a second chance from family, friends, and most importantly, from God. None of these people owed me a second chance. When they first extended grace to me, I was struggling to stay clean. Yet, they freely gave.

As for the things I have earned; I think the best word to describe it is serenity. In the Serenity Prayer, we ask God to grant us serenity; and He does. However, at least in my case, serenity did not just magically appear in my life when I stopped using drugs. In fact, for months after I first decided to try recovery, my life was anything but serene. Instead, it seemed like a constant struggle for sanity; much less serenity.

God would grant me serenity; but only after I had put in the hard work. I had to come to terms with the fact that I needed professional help in coping with some mental health issues. Then, I had to accept the fact that I am like the other addicts I have come to know and love in recovery. If I wanted to find long-term relief, I would need to work the Twelve Steps with my sponsor, and do my best to apply spiritual principles in all of my affairs.

It was hard work. Thus, I am not shy about saying that I earned the serenity that resulted from it.

So, I want my life to be a reflection of the gifts of recovery, as well as the hard work I have put into it. Like those homes in Switzerland, I want my gratitude to speak loudly. I have a beautiful life today. The kind that is available to any addict earnestly seeking recovery. It is true when we say that an addict, any addict, can stop using drugs, lose the desire to use, and find a new way to live.

Have a remarkable day!

Patience – “Let’s Go!”

It seemed like he would never be ready.

My dad and I went on ski vacations together several times throughout my high school and college years. The first day of skiing for us was always the most exciting; as well as the best test of my patience. I wanted to be on the slopes, and thus, would change into my ski bibs and boots in a heartbeat. Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go!!!

Dad, on the other hand, has always been a very methodical dresser. So, I would stand there waiting quite impatiently as he donned his gear. I wondered how he could be so calm. Why wasn’t he chomping at the bit like me?

Finally, we would walk out of the locker room, and head into the area to purchase tickets. “Follow me, Son.” There would be around ten different windows open for ticket sales; and as we moved past the ones closest to the locker rooms, the lines grew progressively shorter. We would eventually stop at one of the furthest lines, and would have our lift tickets in hand within moments.

Dad was also methodical about buying lift tickets it would seem. Any time spent getting dressed was completely offset by his prowess at finding the best line in which to stand. My impatience of a few minutes prior melted away as we hit the slopes long before people who seemingly could see no further than the first line or two.

Patiently seeking and following God’s will for my life can be a lot like one of those ski lodge experiences from years ago. There are times that I think to myself, “Let’s go, God. Let’s go!” In my heart, I feel ready for the next chapter to begin. So ready, in fact, that I can find myself tempted to move on without Him.

Again, though, as with waiting for Dad, I know it is best to wait on God too. Waiting on Dad only made sense. After all, he had the money to buy our lift tickets! Likewise, when I am wise enough to remind myself that God’s will and timing are best, I have patience to wait on Him.

As with Dad, when God says it is time to go, He seldom takes me on the path that is filled with a bunch of other folks. My patience in following Him pays off in the end, as I find myself somehow progressing in life at a pace that I had not expected.

I guess God doesn’t like standing in long lines any more than my dad does!

So, what is the “Locker room” of my life? It is the Twelve Steps. I’ve yet to meet a recovering addict who did not want to rush past the Twelve Steps. When I first arrived, I figured an afternoon would suffice. Surely I could meet my sponsor for a cup of coffee and talk my way through all twelve in no time. We are told that they are written simply enough that we can follow them in our daily lives. So, if they are that simple, what’s the big deal? Let’s go!

What I failed to recognize early on is that the steps are designed to introduce me to, and learn to apply spiritual principles. Like preparing for a day of skiing in cold temperatures, preparing for a life that is guided by God-given principles takes time. So, putting aside my desire to rush the process, I took time to internalize what the steps had to offer.

Today, I am working another round of steps, learning how to better apply spiritual principles to some areas of my life in which I want to find the relief that comes from turning things over to God, and applying His principles. It is a long, and sometimes painful process. One in which I sometimes find myself saying “Let’s go. Let’s go.”

Thankfully, I can apply patience to this round of steps. Just as my first round set me free from active addiction, so this round can set me free from other sources of pain in my life. I know that another spiritual awakening awaits me. So, I’ll be patient.

Have a remarkable day!

Awareness and Life’s Continuity Issues

In one scene, the four circles of the Audi logo had been carefully removed from the back of the main characters’ SUV. In the next scene, it was magically back again. Then there is the gaping hole in the roof where a massive skylight had once been. It’s winter, and snow is falling through the hole in the roof, into the attic; but the people there are not cold. There is no steam coming from their mouths as they breath.

Then there was the uncle. The one who showed up unannounced in the middle of a torrential downpour. In one scene, he is literally soaked to the bone. In the next, he is seated at the dining room table, enjoying dinner in clothes that are bone dry.

These are all things from a show that Amanda and I have been watching together lately. As much as we are enjoying the show, we seem to also like a little game we play where we look for little inconsistencies in the production. They are referred to as “Continuity” issues. When either of us spots a continuity issue, we will say “Continuity!”

Yes, I know… being married to me is a thrill a minute!

The practice of awareness helps maintain continuity in my life. The benefits of this continuity are undeniable. It allows me to live out Step Twelve, which tells me to practice spiritual principles in all of my affairs. Thus, being aware of any continuity issues in my life is an absolute necessity. Of course, simply being aware is sometimes not enough.

Denial can often become a roadblock to awareness. Another, more subtle roadblock pops up when I acknowledge the fact that there is a problem in my life; but convince myself that it will go away on its own. Or that I can somehow make it go away by sheer force of will.

For most recovering addicts, a sponsor is usually the first person to spot these acts of denial or thoughts that things will just sort themselves out. In my case, it is usually my wife Amanda who first spots these troubling continuity issues. (I had been concerned about this fact at one time, thinking that I was underutilizing my sponsor. He, however, assured me that her ability to spot continuity issues in my life is a sign of a healthy relationship; and that he would be concerned if she didn’t spot them.)

Lately, I’ve been experiencing a pretty serious continuity issue. It is one that has stolen a lot of my serenity, and has made me less than fun to live with at times. The things I normally do in recovery were not proving adequate to address these issues, so Amanda suggested I visit with a therapist we have both worked with about my struggles.

In this case, my conversations with Amanda brought awareness; and my visit with our therapist helped bring clarity to the situation. As a result, I can already see a clear path to restoring serenity in this particular area of my life.

Because I am willing today to confront life’s continuity issues, I find myself more at peace than ever before. One of the beautiful things about not having to recover alone is that when my awareness is failing, I have people in my life who love me enough to share theirs with me. Thus, I am reminded that we do recover.

Have a remarkable day!