This week, I am in Switzerland for work. It is a big deal to me, largely because it is something that was never supposed to be possible. At least, in my own mind, it would never be possible again. I had, after all, thrown away any hopes of returning when I let drugs into my life. Yet, here I am. So, I’m sure my writing will reflect my thoughts and experiences of being here for the week. I do not take for granted the various ways in which my life has been radically transformed by the Twelve Steps, and the recovery I have found through them. They have not only saved my life, but have also given me a walk with God that is closer than I could ever have imagined.
“I got cocky and missed my stop.” Those were my words shortly after getting off the tram I had taken to attend a Twelve Step meeting here in Bern yesterday evening. I had been texting Amanda about my journey, and had been regularly checking Google Maps for most of the ride. Eventually, however, I grew overly confident in my navigation skills, and put the phone aside.
On the one hand, it was a decision that afforded me a much better opportunity to take in the sights around me. Bern is an interesting city, where modern architecture can be found butted up against a building from the 16th or 17th century. Sidewalks were filled with people out enjoying the scenery too. I found that I stood out for at least two reasons: I was not wearing a jacket despite the chill in the air, and my pastel-colored golf shirt stood out among a sea of muted colors.
Yes, everything about me said “Tourist,” but I didn’t care. I am a tourist, and enjoying every minute of it!
Enjoying, that is, until I looked at Google Maps again only to realize that I was quite some distance from the bold red line that had indicated my route the last time I had looked. I had missed my stop. Missed it by three or four stops in fact. Not only that, but my watch, which normally keeps very good time, had lost 7 minutes. The meeting had long-since started, and I was now 30 minutes away from it. (Maybe my watch is jealous because of thoughts I’ve had of replacing it while I’m here in the land of great watches???)
When I sent Amanda my the text announcing that I had become cocky and missed my stop, I also told her I was going to make “Lemonade out of lemons” and enjoy some sightseeing on foot instead. Vigilance in my recovery has brought me to the point where little mistakes like missing a tram stop no longer wreak havoc on my serenity. I didn’t beat myself up or try to convince myself that I was a loser for having missed the stop. I truly made the best of it.
However, I was reminded of the fact that my journey toward finding vigilance has not yet been completed. Sure, I handled the mistake well, but I had still made a mistake. I proved once again that I am indeed human. Thank goodness!
As one who always seeks a lesson from life’s foibles, my tram ride yesterday reminds me of the fact that my need for vigilance has not been fulfilled. Like other spiritual principles, vigilance remains a necessary part of my life and my recovery. It is a reminder for which I am grateful, because without it, I might otherwise become convinced that I could set aside the work I am doing altogether. Especially in light of having found a life that at one time seemed so impossibly out of reach.
Vigilance reminds me that I am an addict in recovery, but not one who has recovered. A little cockiness on a tram may be harmless enough, but it reminds me that I am capable of cockiness in other areas of life too. So, I must continue to strive for improvement regularly. This is not a burden, but rather, is part of a great adventure. One that continues whether I’m at home on my back porch, or somewhere like Bern.
Have a remarkable day!
Daily Spiritual Principle - one addict's thoughts 