Forgiveness and Overcoming Jetlag

Yesterday, while sitting through a presentation in our company’s large auditorium, I began to slowly fade. It was a talk that should have been very interesting, but I think jetlag had set in, and even the double-espresso I had wasn’t keeping my eyelids open. So, I got up and moved to the back of the room to take a nap.

Not really!

What I did do was stand at the back of the room and re-double my focus. Standing, and moving around a bit, helped to revitalize me, and make it through not only that lecture, but the rest of the day.

It was shortly after nine at night by the time our shuttle bus dropped us off at our hotel. I had enjoyed the ride home seated next to a coworker and swapping stories. Once in my room, I readied myself for bed, and made a quick FaceTime call to Amanda. After wishing her goodnight, I fell asleep. There was just no staying awake any later than that.

There are people with my company who make this trip several times a year. I’m not sure how they do it and function normally. It is so taxing, both mentally and physically. The changes to my routine that it demanded yesterday, reminded me this morning of the changes recovery has demanded. I thought of those changes in light of my principle of the day, forgiveness.

For months after deciding to get clean, the changes required were much more serious and sometimes overwhelming than any jetlag I’ve ever experienced. At the time, there was part of me that felt as though I would never be able to forgive myself for having put myself in a position where recovery became a necessity. I would think back to that very first hit of meth, and the downward spiral that followed. I would picture myself and be filled with self-loathing at the thought of that choice.

Did I know better? Absolutely. I knew that any substance I had tried up to that point had been difficult to set aside, and thus, knew the risk I was taking. Yet I made that first choice to use, followed by over a year of regular use that progressively became more of a compulsion and less of a choice. So of course I could not forgive myself.

Thankfully, a time finally came when I looked at all the changes I had to make to facilitate my recovery, and I realized I could forgive myself for that terrible choice. It took time and effort, but eventually I came to the point of realizing nothing I could do would change the past. I could, however, do something to change my future. It was that future-minded work that finally allowed self-forgiveness to make its appearance.

My recovery continues to require changes from how I once did things. Like jetlag that never quite passes, the effects of addiction continue to impact my life, and the lives of those around me. However, today I see most of those changes in light of the blessings that have accompanied them. Blessings that allow me to live a new way of life, drawing closer to God, and His plan. Blessings I’m pretty certain I would never have even noticed without forgiveness, both toward others and for myself.

Have a remarkable day!