Trust and Life’s Wormy Apples

What’s worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm?

Biting into an apple and finding only half a worm!

There is a fruit basket across the way from me in the hotel lobby, and it reminded me of that joke. Growing up, we had three apple trees on our property: so, we knew a lot about worms in apples. As little boys, my brother John and I would eat those apples with our friends, and when we got to an area that looked sketchy, we would throw away the rest of the apple. We wanted to enjoy the fruit, but there was no way we were risking biting into the part that had a worm inside.

There are also bananas in that fruit basket. Seeing those, I realize that I wish more of life was like a banana. I can look at a banana from the outside and have a pretty good idea of the quality of the fruit on the inside. If the peel is green, the fruit will be a bit less sweet. Completely yellow peel means that the fruit is going to be pretty good. Yellow with brown spots… an even sweeter banana. If it is all brown, it will only be good for making banana bread.

I’ve never found a worm in a banana. Nor have I ever peeled a green banana and found the inside mushy.

People, on the other hand, are not quite so easy to trust. We are more like apples. Our outsides don’t always match our insides. Sometimes, those insides are hiding worms. Character defects that would make life for those around us much less than pleasant. The sort of character defects that make trust a rare commodity. Or at least a risky principle to practice.

So, then the question is, how do I know who to trust? How can I avoid life’s wormy apples?

My answer to these questions may be cynical, but in my experience, I cannot know who to trust, and who not to trust. Not at first, anyway. Like apples, people are really good at hiding who we really are on the inside.

I’ll offer myself up as an example, lest I be accused of being too harsh. A little over six years ago, when I was at the very lowest point in my active addiction, you could have asked the people around me if I was capable of being addicted to meth, and I assure you the vast majority would have answered with an emphatic “NO.” My worms were that well hidden.

I realize that my assessment sounds pretty hopeless. The fact is that it would be hopeless; if it were not for God, that is. God has a way of changing the rules. His ability to do so is one of the highlights of Steps Two and Three. When I learn to believe in, and ultimately trust God, I can stop worrying about life’s worms.

No, trusting God does not magically eliminate the chance that I’ll discover a worm in life’s apples. I still find myself being disappointed by people I thought I could trust. I’ve still found myself being taken advantage of by others. However, I have learned that when I practice trust, God is there. If my trust is rewarded with worms, God somehow manages to protect me.

God not only protects me from life’s worms; but also makes life richer when I practice trust, and someone turns out to be trustworthy. When God is part of the equation, I know that I can walk through life with confidence. Unlike the paranoia that haunted me in active addiction, recovery allows me to practice trust without fear. I can turn those worms over to God.

Have a remarkable day!