Selflessness – My Walk Down Fremont Street

Yesterday afternoon, once I had settled into my hotel in Las Vegas, I opened an app I use for finding Twelve Step meetings, and was delighted to find that there was one less than a mile from here. So, with time to spare, I set out to walk to that meeting. The first leg of my journey took me down Fremont Street, which is an exciting part of the old city that has been revitalized. The street was filled with all sorts of people. There were both tourists and street performers. There’s lots of energy on Fremont Street.

Soon, it was time for me to veer off of that main thoroughfare, and onto a side street. It was amazing how much less activity there was on that street. Within a block or two, it seemed that I was in a different city altogether. Before long, it was time to take my next turn; but as I walked along, I realized that things suddenly appeared much less welcoming than they had been just a little way back. With each step I took, something inside me told me that continuing was maybe not the best idea I’ve ever had.

As I have grown in my recovery, I’ve learned to listen to that still small voice when it tries to get my attention. When it warns me that I’m headed down the wrong path, whether literally or figuratively, today I listen. Today I take action. So, I turned back around, and backtracked my path to Fremont Street and my hotel.

This morning, when I drew “Selflessness” as my spiritual principle of the day, my mind went back to yesterday’s walk. I realized as I thought about it, what a good metaphor my little outing had been for the kind of self-centeredness brought about by my drug abuse.

When I was using, my life became all about Fremont Street. What I sought was entertainment and distraction. I had trained myself to find my Fremont Street through the use of drugs; and to forget about how that drug abuse was affecting others. Early on, the most notable of people to point out how the drugs were affecting her, as well as me, was my ex-wife. Our relationship had been strained for some time by then, so ignoring her pleas came easily. So, I plunged deeper into drug abuse.

Once I discovered meth, which I call “My drug of no choice,” there was no leaving Fremont Street. Even the briefest of detours onto a side-street brought with it fear and anxiety. It was so much more convenient to stay in that place where distraction and entertainment reigned supreme. My own little Fremont Street of self-centered indulgence.

Thankfully, I no longer have to live that way. Once I was introduced to recovery through the Twelve Steps, I came to realize that Fremont Street was an illusion. No matter how brightly those lights, or how big the smiles were on the faces of the entertainers, it was all a lie. A lie that was killing me, and bringing pain to the people closest to me. In some cases, that pain was so great that by the time I decided to try and leave Fremont Street, many considered me a lost cause.

As much as I enjoyed walking about last night, I found myself back in the safety of my hotel room by 7:00. My day of travel had left me weary, and I wanted to have a good night’s sleep for today. I’m glad I ventured down some of those side streets yesterday, because they reminded me of how easy it is to get caught up in an illusion. The truth is, Las Vegas is a hard city. The bright lights and entertainers are a distraction, intended to blind visitors to the harsh reality of just how hard life is for many people here. I pray that today I would be able to practice selflessness, so that life’s distractions cannot suck me in, distracting me from people who need love and encouragement.

Have a remarkable day!