Gratitude that Comes from Effort

By the time I sat down in my car, it had been a long day. I was in Kansas City to participated in a day-long open house event at a company with which I am affiliated. Most of the day was spent on my feet, so they were particularly fatigued. It had been a really good day, but one that had left me feeling ready to rest.

There was only one problem. I still had a long drive home ahead of me. Spending the next five hours behind the wheel of my car did not seem very appealing. If I chose to, I could easily have checked into a hotel for the night, and put off the drive until this morning. My manager would not question the expense… not even for a moment. Amanda would understand too. She is always concerned about my comfort and safety.

Instead, I decided to stick to my plan. I asked Google Maps to give me the best route home, and started to drive. My compromise was that I stopped for a leisurely meal at around the half-way point. It allowed my brain to rest, and gave me a bit more energy than I might have found from a burger and fries gobbled down while driving.

I arrived home at 9:15. First to greet me were our three dogs. They were excited to see me right up until the moment they realized I was not there to feed them. Oh well, they are dogs after all!

Next, Amanda told me how thrilled she was to have me home. She thought for sure I would be gone two nights, and was happy that I had put the extra effort into making the drive after such a long day.

Shaun was the last one to offer his input. “Kent, I’m really glad you are home too. The house just feels better when we are all together.”

All of this happened within the span of less than a minute after I had walked into the house. Yet, in that brief amount of time, I experienced the gratitude I had earned over the course of several hours of driving. Not gratitude from the dogs, Amanda, or Shaun; but gratitude for the effort I had made to get there. Gratitude for something that was seemingly so insignificant, yet had reminded me of what a beautiful life I have today.

When I first arrived in the rooms of recovery, I was exhausted from living a life that was controlled by drugs. My drug of no choice, meth, is one that really messes with the body, mind, and spirit. It would keep me awake for days at a time. It would trick me into seeing things that were not there. Worst of all, it was an effective form of self-medication for depression.

I say that the self-medicating aspect of the drug was the worst of all, because trying to stop using would bring that depression charging back into my spirit. Knowing that instant relief from depression was in that little glass pipe made using seem like my only choice. I chose a slow death over doing what I knew was right every time.

Every time, that is, except for the last time. It happened on December 1, 2016. My 55th birthday would become my clean date. The date on which I decided to stop avoiding the work recovery requires, and begin working the Twelve Steps with my sponsor.

It was like being behind the wheel of my car. I could choose to check out, and avoid the long-drive home; or choose to buckle down and make the drive that I knew would lead me to the serenity I saw in addicts who had chosen recovery.

Reaching that point of gratitude did not truly happen for me until I began the step-working process. It did not come overnight either. It took a good little while before I truly experienced the difference recovery makes. I stuck with it though, holding onto the promise of the new way of life that I would find by Step Twelve.

I’m grateful that I put the effort into last night’s drive home. I’m also grateful for the effort I put into my recovery. My life has been transformed – body, mind, and spirit. I live in the confidence that as long as I continue putting in the effort, my life will continue to give me reasons for gratitude.

Have a remarkable day!