Awareness, the Twelfth Step, and Connecting the Dots

“This is perfect. Thank you so, so much!”

Next week, my company is hosting a first of its kind training, and all of us who are presenting at the training have been preparing for weeks now. None among us has been working more diligently than my manager. He’s someone who takes the notion of servant leadership to a whole new level.

So, late yesterday afternoon, our team had an online meeting to put the finishing touches on next week’s materials. Two PowerPoint slides needed information added to them, and I was asked to handle the task. When the information needed was first communicated, I did not understand the task at all. Between me coming out of the fog of a week of taking cold medicine, and my manager’s exhaustion from all he’s been doing, the dots just wouldn’t connect.

So, I did what I always have done. I faked it. Acted like I understood perfectly, and just did what I thought might possibly be right.

Actually, no. While that is admittedly how I have approached such situations in the past, yesterday I asked for clarification. Then I repeated back what I thought was the task; which led to further clarification. Only then did I complete the task. Only then did I get the positive and affirming note back in response to my efforts.

It felt so good to realize that I could risk not having all the answers, and end up with my work being praised as a result.

I’m often amazed at the extent to which the lessons I’m learning in recovery translate into positive changes in other areas of my life. When Step Twelve encourages recovering addicts to “…practice these principles in all our affairs,” events such as yesterday’s are what make these words come alive for me. It is at such times that practicing awareness bears fruit.

It was one thing to be aware of the fact that I had not connected the dots; but acting on that awareness took it to a whole new level. It made me aware of my old way of handling such situations, and the negative consequences that often followed as work would have to be repeated and confidence in me was lost by others. It’s a concept that applies to so many areas of life.

Whenever something like yesterday afternoon’s project happens, I am reminded of the past, and how I used to respond to life. It serves as a strong reminder of the fact that the disease of addiction is about much more than just the drugs. It is my experience that the same thing that drove me to hide the fact that I didn’t understand instructions on the first go-around made drug use seem attractive. I put way too much pressure on myself, fearing that anything less than perfection would out me as a fraud.

What I discovered was that the true fraud is the one who refuses to ever act confused or ask for clarification. Recovery has not only given me that awareness, but has also helped me gain the strength of character to take action.

Thank you God, for not expecting any of us to be perfect. Help me to be aware of times when my imperfection requires me to ask questions or adjust to life’s circumstances. Help me remember that part of your will for my life is to connect the dots.

Have a remarkable day!