Surrender and Car Wash Man

I was driving down a boulevard in Southern Illinois, and as I rounded a curve in the road, I came upon police cars blocking traffic. Mine was the first car in to have stopped, so I would have a front-row seat from which to watch what unfolded in the next few minutes.

Over to my right, there was one of those car washes with several open bays. I could see the police a few hundred feet in front of me, searching. As I scanned the open bays of the car wash, I spotted a lanky fellow sneaking a peak around the corner. He could see the police, but they had not yet spotted him.

The police had guns drawn, and were carefully scanning the area. It was pretty obvious that the fellow peering out from the car wash bay was the subject of their search. It was also pretty obvious that he was not going anywhere. He knew he was trapped, and that short of a miracle, there was no way out for him.

Soon, the man was holding both arms out beyond the protection of the car wash’s walls. Slowly, he moved his body away from the structure, and down onto the ground. He was spread eagle, as the police approached him. After cautiously approaching, one of the officers placed handcuffs on car wash man. He had surrendered, and before long, traffic was moving once again.

I think about car wash man every once in a while. I’ll remember that morning in Illinois, and wonder what ever happened to him. Was he charged? Was he convicted; and if so, how much time did he serve for whatever crime he committed? Has his life gotten any better since then?

These are all legitimate questions, especially the one about whether or not car wash man’s life is any better today than it was that morning as he lay on the ground. My guess is that if life has gotten any better, it got a whole lot worse first. Surrender for him was no simple matter. I have to believe it was a life-changing decision.

Surrender is one of the first things an addict seeking recovery must do. Freedom from active addiction is not possible without it. We surrender not just the drugs, but the lifestyle, the attitudes, and ultimately, our will is surrendered to that of a loving God.

Often, newcomers will ask if life will get better. This question is often answered by some well-intended person who says “It may not get better, but it will definitely be different.”

Yeah, I’m going to call B.S. on one. My reason is simple. If life in recovery is not getting better, you are doing it wrong. Furthermore, if a recovering addict is unwilling to say that life gets better, they are selling recovery, and God, short.

Step Twelve begins “Having had a spiritual awakening…” This bold statement refers to the addict who has worked the previous eleven steps with a sponsor. It doesn’t say “If you are lucky enough to have had a spiritual awakening.” Nor does it claim that a spiritual awakening only happens for a select few. No, it is a direct promise. An expectation. By the time you get to Step Twelve, you will have experienced an awakening of the spirit!

By Step Twelve, our inner car wash man has been transformed. It is a process of change that is, without a doubt, a sign of life having become better. In my own case, this spiritual awakening not only opened the door to a better life; but also gave me a whole new perspective on what constitutes a better life in the first place.

Surrender for me began at my second Twelve Step meeting. It was there that I first introduced myself as an addict. I was like car wash man, peering around the corner of the dumpster fire my life had become, and looking straight down the barrel of life’s consequences. I’m glad that I had been told all about the new way of life recovery promises, because without that, I would never have stuck around. If I had only been promised “different, but not necessarily better,” I’d have bolted.

Today, the person who introduced me to this new way of life celebrates seven years clean and in recovery. My wife Amanda spoke non-stop about the changes she was seeing in her own life, even before I had admitted to her that I “Might have a little problem of my own.” Together, the two of us have built a life that is better.

Today is also Shaun’s fourteenth birthday. Because of Amanda’s recovery, not only has her life gotten better, but so have Shaun’s and mine. It is a life that once seemed impossible. However, God had big plans for us. Plans that included life getting both different and better. A life that began with Amanda’s simple act of surrender seven years ago, and every day since.

Happy Birthday Shaun, and Congratulations Amanda. I am so excited, because I know that because of surrender, we are going to…

Have a remarkable day!

Note to any addict reading today’s blog – I know that saying one is doing recovery wrong will ruffle feathers. If your life is not getting better, maybe your feathers need ruffling. I see addicts stuck in a rut all the time. People who attend meetings, expecting to stay clean, and see huge changes in life as a result; but who never consider getting a sponsor or working the steps. I also see addicts who are in codependent relationships with their sponsors, and never grow because growth would threaten that codependent relationship.

Whatever the case, if your life in recovery is not getting better, it is time to do something different. Get a sponsor who will help guide you through the steps. Or, if you have a sponsor, and life never seems to get better, find a new one! Your sponsor is not God, so stop letting them act as though they are. MOVE ON, AND MOVE ON NOW!